Wednesday, May 2, 2007


Chrysanthemum - the flowers used by the Chinese as an offering to the dead. Well, sadly i din get those when my aunt and i went to visit my grandpa's altar in the temple yesterday. It was my grandpa's 10th anniversary since his passing away. So many things have happened in this 10 years. Some were good while others just bring back sad memories. To be honest, i think it was also the first time in 10 years did i visit his altar. All these while, my family was living in Bintulu and not Kuching. Even when we came back to Kuching during the holidays it seemed to short to go and pay him respects - then again, maybe those are just all excuses. If we had wanted to i'm sure we could've gone even just for a short while. While i was offering my prayer, i couldn't help but felt that tears were bout to stream from the corners of my eyes. It's like just in a blink of an eye my beloved grandfather has left us for a decade already. Living with him during my childhood has really made an impact on me. I was his fav grandson though his was my maternal grandpa ( Most Chinese have this mentality that a son's child is more favorable than a daughter's son as the son's child will carry the family name.). I remember the days of him bringing me around the small town of Bau in his car. He'd bring me to the gold mine he worked in, the remote areas and in the afternoons, he'd bring me out for tea. Tea at the coffee shop was a simple cuppa milk tea and a few pieces of roti kahwin ( two pieces of bread spread with kaya and butter ). He'd tease me sometimes. At the time he passed away, I was only in primary four. That weekend i still remember talking to him on the phone. His last words to me was that he loved my bro n I the most amongst his grandchildren. Now, it has been 10 years. He always told me to make him proud by going to uni and get a good job. Now i've achieved part of what he wanted me to do. Without shame, i'd say i've done quite good in my studies and i'm sure he'd be proud of me had he been alive. Those ten years, so many things have changed. Both my brother and I have grown up, some relatives have passed away. I do reminisce the times had he been there to share my joy and my pain. I'd really wanna tell him I love you grandpa and i've made you proud. Maybe even as i'm typing this, he is watching over me as a guardian angel. Though i no longer am that little angel/devil i used to be, i'm sure he'd still loved me as much as he did. :'( I guess i feel bad bout having only paid my respects to him once in ten years. I'll continue living with his memories close to my heart and strive my best to make him proud.

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