Sunday, April 29, 2007
Gloomy is how i feel at d moment. Thinking bout the kinda decisions i have made and the actions i have made in the past i could not help feeling a little bit of regret. Once everything seemed all so rosy and beautiful but now after showing their ugly heads they just seem so fake. The song i would love to listen to at the moment would most probably be Frank Sinatra's "I did it my way". Quote from the lyrics: Regrets I had a few but too few to mention. Maybe the decisions i made really did not produce the kinda outcome i had expected but at least i did something. This is my only consolation from the mistakes i made. Rather than sitting there and doing nothing while waiting for something to happen, at least i did something to influence the outcome. Had i not taken any actions the outcome might have turned out to be the same as well. This would only add more to my regrets as i could have done something. One good example is one which happened earlier this year. For the sake of chasing a romantic dream i made a wrong choice and failed to see a near perfect girl near me and decided to go for one who is far away yet so unreal. When i woke up from this foolish dream my chance was already gone. But good for d girl she found herself a gr8 bf. I wish dat she will have a happy ending with him. I guess chances in this life only come once. If it is not treasured it'll just slip away. Yupe. That's it. I had at least tried to do something with my life. When the day comes for me to say good bye to this world i guess i won't have that many regrets knowing i have tried to do something on my part. Regardless of the outcome, I have took it in my own hands to play a part in shaping my own destiny. Hopefully, the actions and these feelings of regrets i have at d moment won't linger too long. :D
Saturday, April 28, 2007
The world seems to be so fake with everyone putting on a mask. Regardless of how they really feel or what they believe in, people tend to just put on a mask and fake it to suit into the so called normal society. Humans made the rules, rules are the ones to be manipulated not us. Why should anyone of us hide our real identities behind a mask just to conform with the expectations of others? It has been so sickening in my opinion that just to pretend to be someone they are not in real lives some losers actually resort to take up a different identity on the internet and even use other people's photos just to run away from reality. I know i may sound like a hypocrite but i have my fair share of putting on a mask just to blend into the crowd. At times it was fun pretending I am someone else as it can put my persuasion skills to the test. At times it does come as an achievement to be able to fool some people and feels great to be a liar. It's like telling lies with such conviction and a straight face that most people would actually think I was talking to them from the bottom of my heart. At other times, when I do really give my opinions i make it look fake and people would just take it as a joke. At times I do wonder which is the real me. Am I a liar? Maybe... Or it could just be that i do not want others to understand me well. At least it'll take people sometime to figure out if i am a friend or a foe. But lately, it has been so tiring already. Knowing how it feels like to have been fooled, I feel so tired of putting on a mask i call a face. I no longer care if people want to think that i am a fucker or an arsehole. It's their opinion. Opinions of those i do not care do not matter anyway. Sometimes I wonder how many real friends i truly have. Is everyone just someone with a mask on? But still i guess i have enough faith in some of those people who i call my best pals to not betray me. That is the only consolation that i can get these days when i happen to bump into an obstacle in life. If we do walk out to the streets and we can tell if people are wearing a mask, i wonder how many impostors will we run into? Life's fake, get real!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Luck. Some people believe in it. Others scoff at the very idea of it. I personally fall into the category of people who believe in it. Call me superstitious and tell me all the events that happened were purely coincidental but let me ask you this - what are the chances of so many coincidences occurring at the same time? Strangely it has been such occurrences of so many events which could have been attributed to luck at which i do not doubt its existence. One of the part in which luck plays a major role would be the seemingly inversely proportionate relationship between my academic achievement and the ladies' charm. Strangely it seems that there can never be such an instance when these two can co-exist. Last sem's result plummeted while d luck with the ladies seemed to soar. When i thought everything would have finally worked out, my luck took a 180 degrees. Inversely, it seems like these days i'm shunned by people. I don't even know what the hell i did or i said to offend them. Feels like a new hunchback of Notre Dame these days. Don't even bother to wait for time to pass at the lobbies. Instead, i'd be on the 8th floor of my uni doing my own stuff while waiting for d first class to commence. However, worth noting is that with d apparent plunge in my luck with d ladies, my luck in my studies soared. Seems like i've been able to have near perfect marks for the few tests which i had this sem. Well i guess this something worth being happy about ?? :P Anyone who knows where i can find a 4 leave clover in Kuching?
Sunday, April 22, 2007
<-- Cosplay Dude? Nope. I know i may have been a little bit slow in commenting bout this but i guess it is never too late. As most of you may or may not have known, this guy in the pic gunned down 32 students in Virginia Tech. b4 committing suicide. After this gruesome massacre, it is only then that ppl begin to take notice of him. At times i do wonder y is it that when sth like this occurs, the blame always falls on the shooter. It maybe true that the shooter could have chosen better alternatives to voice out his frustration to the world, but most of the time, the world has failed to listen to these people. IMHO, the society is at fault when a tragedy such as this occurs. What are the kind of perspectives have the society instilled in these murderers? Did they happen to go nuts n just went on a killing spree just because they have a knack for violence? Had the society been ready to listen to their pleas for help it would have been totally different. It is such an uncaring society that v live in these days that ppl who need attention need to take drastic measures such as going on a killing spree just to get the world to listen to their story. The world will never stop spinning for anyone but the society can stop to listen to the pleas of those in need b4 they've decided to forsake their own humanity as the society no longer have no humanity left to care for em. A person who has no more tears to shed has forsaken their humanity. By all means, i'm not saying the killers are heroes. It's just that at times they might have been a victim as well. This Korean student who killed the 32 students in VT, had been diagnosed with mental problems b4. Knowing he had such a condition, the lecturers and the uni still failed to take preventive measures just shows how sometimes some ppl are pushed to the limits. Are crazy ppl really crazy as v c em? I guess not. It's just that their logic of how things work is different from ours. In the Asian society, v have yet to hear of such gruesome killings by students yet but maybe it is just a matter of time. Firearms are hard to come by unlike in the US. No shootings doesn't mean v do not have such people amongst us. While coping up with the fast pace of life, maybe the society should just stop by at times to listen to the frustrations of its members. At least, with a little more attention and care shown, lives could be saved. By not listening, v have the blood of the victims stained on our hands... My deepest condolences to the families of the victims in the shooting. More reports on the killings.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Tired is what i feel these days. Suppose to be having a break to have a good rest and to catch up on my tutes but sadly that was not the case. Tied to my obligations for the debaters' club, I had to go back to uni from mon to fri. What's worse is that i go around 6 sth in d morning n only get home round 11 sth at night :( *sigh* sometimes did really wish that at the end of the day, there'd be someone special waiting for me, telling me everything is gonna be ok, giving me the strength to move on. But then again, i guess it will never be possible :( Just have myself to rely on, getting through everyday to prove to the world it can't get me down on my knees. It's been such a tiring week i din even have the energy to update this newly created blog. Finally the competition ended yesterday. Haha... Only then had this feeling of emptiness that o my hard work has finally come to an end. But it was one of the participants' comment which made me think it wasn't so bad after o n it was o worthwhile! Her comment was that after joining this competition hosted by my club she din really feel like joining the one hosted by the education dept. :D As this comp was my brainchild last year, such a statement was indeed taken as the best compliment d(^O^ )b What's more. I've heard of much hostility between schools when it comes to competition but having seen that most of the participants mingled well among each other and made new friends in this competition it felt really good. Guess I wasn't doing o d work for nth after o :D Wanna check out more on the event? Here you go : World Schools Debating Championship 2007.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Yeap. Another lost for me in debate again today. I wonder if my leave from the team for a few months actually has taken such a toll on me?? Have i actually got so bad in debating that whichever team that has me in it is guaranteed to lose? Or has it been a case of them improving their skills so much that i'm no longer needed to d point of being totally redundant and just being there to make up the number$? Such a sad scenario when i come to think of it. At one moment, the world was my oyster. The next? Everything changes. Nothing remains the same. Even my own looks oso changed. Had a change from spiky hair to a crew cut. Eversince i had the crew cut it seems like i've been on a losing streak in debate. Another case of me being overly sensitive??? Wish so... Turn 20 ten days ago. Oso feel so much like a loser... Haven even managed to get a Gf lol... Sad case... Oh well. Desperation? nope. Just a case of bruised pride. Well most probably girls here dig those guys with multi-coloured hair and own cars with big big woofers which go oom chiak oom chiak.... Oh well it is a losing streak for me. Am i a loser? Hell NO!!!! Hahaha... Regardless of the defeat i experience i would not concede to it. I've too much of a pride to admit i've lost. :) Only time can tell whether this is a flaw or an asset....
Monday, April 16, 2007
Stars. Those wonderful jewels of the night. They never fail to impress me. As usual, went to my grandma's house on Sunday. It is situated in a little town called Bau at d outskirts of Kuching. Apart from the boredom, it has nothing much to offer. Brings back sweet memories of my childhood though. Well i might share those in other blog but this. Anyway it is a quiet little town. Good thing is this town has yet been fully developed. On my way back to kch, i gazed upon d sky and saw the stars. Such wonders of nature. Diamonds sparkling in the dark night, carrying glimpses of hopes with it. Without the stars maybe the nights will never be the same. At a moment there, i wondered if i was gazing at Heaven itself. Such a picturesque scenery before my very own eyes. Constellations... Pure imaginations... They just go so naturally together. Made me think of how the present is actually connected to our past. These stars we see are actually the light from stars millions or even trillion of light years away. By the time v see their glory, what have become of them? I do wonder... As d car cruised along the road and made its way to the city, the surroundings got brighter - the stars grew dimmer. By the time i reach the city, the stars were barely visible. Only thing i see in the sky was a man-made satellite. How depressing... Sometimes in pursuit of our so called dreams, v seem to move away from the beauty and tranquility that a simple life has to offer. Maybe there is a second chance in life for things to work themselves out like the glimpses of hopes the stars carry with em...
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Well been hours since i made my first post. I wonder if i've some kinda attitude problems with my parents. Long ago, i remember it wasn't this way. I was able to share every single moment of my life with my mum to say the least. The kind of things i did in school. I felt at ease talking bout it n sharing it with her. However, after she moved into the menopause phase, everything change. It's like she was no longer the same gentle person i used to know. Anything that i said would've annoyed her. Well that's if it wasn't to her liking but that wasn't the case before. That's y after i've moved to uni, my relationship with my parents seem to drift apart. With o these work to be done i seldom call home. Thought if anything happened they'd call me. Anyway, parents moved back to kch last Dec. Maybe there is still hope for me to get closer to my parents? Not too sure.. Have had a few dinners with awkward silence at the dinner table. Dad did try to start a conversation but o i did manage were short replies. He gave up after a few tries. Poor guy... Do wonder if it is my own attitude problems.... Sometimes i just keep quiet during family outings just to annoy my parents but on nights like this, it hurts my heart even more to think i did such things. It's like there are two personalities in me. The Good and The Bad. Wonder in the end of my journey called life which side would win the war over my body... I wonder...
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Yupe. Just drawn first blood on blogging with this post. First blog created. Well the idea of naming my post first blood came mainly from DotA (yeah i'm a DotA addict) and my fascination with vampires. Lately, with too much free time in hand, i've started following the manga entitled "Hellsing". Quite a nice manga with sadistic killing scenes by the "good bad vampire" Alucard. D story pretty much goes like this - lunatic survivors of the Nazi Last Battalion trying to create artificial vampires to proclaim a second war against humanity and Integra Hellsing (a descendent from Dr. Abaraham Hellsing) stopping em with her pet vampire Alucard ( the same old Dracula Dr. Abraham Hellsing staked in Dracula). Oh yeah along the way u get the usual fanatical Vatican Paladins who get in the way trying to sneak in a sucker punch to those two organizations - u get d picture... Well, the most appealing aspect of this manga is the part whereby the protagonists are able to kill when they need to unlike some sissy manga whereby every protagonist is a goody-two -shoes and won't kill even if their own lives are in danger (I call that pure stupidity not kindness). Oh well, that's all for a first post. Anypne who is intrigued by the story of "Hellsing" and feel like being part of the killing spree in it, i present to thee "Hellsing". Enjoy!