Time space...

For the past few days, I had this thought in my mind - the distance between two people is actually time. It is neither the physical distance nor the emotional distance. Time itself can bring two strangers closer to each other with each passing moment. Yet, two lovers might be drifting apart as the sands of time flow on. There are many things which are outside our control and time is one of them. What we ca do is just experience time. What separates me from you is the very fabric of time itself. She's still there in the future. I find solace in the fact that with each passing day, I'm one step closer to you :)

Human Nature

It has been a while since I last blogged. It's a wonderful experience to be able to move to a new place and experience the different cultures in a country. I'm thankful that most of the people I've met so far over here are friendly though I've a few unfortunate encounters. Sadly an event happened today prompted me to blog again. It's really given me a new perspective on the two sides of human nature - beauty and ugliness.

I was waiting for the bus when I saw a lady on a motorized vehicle for the elderly. I was curious as she looked young. The first thought that popped up was - maybe it's a hot day to walk so she decided to use that vehicle. As she got closer, I had a better look. Her right arm was obviously suffering from muscle atrophy. Probably her legs are suffering from it too so she needed to use the motorized vehicle. What touched me as a beautiful thing about the human nature is the love of her father. An elderly gentleman, he accompanied her all the way to the bus stop and only got off the bus once his daughter was on it. He even thanked the passengers for putting up with the delay caused by his daughter boarding the bus on her motorized vehicle. The lady's inner strength also shone through. Despite the inconvenience, she still took the trip on her own. One can see how she wants to be independent.

The ugliness of the human nature reared its head not long after the bus took off. A man who appeared to be drunk started to hurl insults at the lady and the teenagers started to laugh. The lady did look at them but said nothing. I feel I embody the other kind of ugly human nature as I just sat there and did not speak up in her defence as I did not want to stir up any trouble. I got off the bus once it reached the train station but the drunk man and the lady was still on it. I am not sure if the insults continued or if the bus driver did something to stop it.

Thinking back - should I have spoken up or should I have done what I did? There are just two sides to human nature - beauty and ugliness...

Selfish...

Sometimes the truth is indeed a bitter pill to swallow. My friends would call me a bastard but I knew they were just joking. Yet when it is hinted that I am one by a person whom I care about, I guess I really am a selfish bastard. My ex once told me that she couldn't be by my side anymore as I treated her as an object which I'd care when I'm in the mood. That was the first time I hated myself for my selfish attitude. The second time came when I was told by the person I merely treated her like a toy.

It hurts really bad cause it's true. As much as I want to deny it, it was no excuse for my selfish actions and my indecisiveness. I may not want to treat her like a toy but my selfish actions speak otherwise. Who knew meeting the right person at the wrong time can be just as painful. To want to claim the moral high ground and yet wanting to maintain a platonic relationship with her - what a conceited and selfish bastard I am. There is no turning back time and there is no cure for the wounds of the heart. I would wish to say sorry to her in person but it won't matter anymore as apologies from a person she no longer cares about won't make any difference...

What am I? I am S.E.L.F.I.S.H

Longing...

Sure feels quiet without you around... Wonder how you are doing now... :/

Answers...

I feel so hopeless... So tired lately... Sometimes I wish I just have the answers yet I myself don't even know... Sigh...

What? When? Why? How?

What is this feeling I'm feeling? I've only known you for about a month yet why do I feel this way towards you? I thought that such feelings have already been cast aside when I decide to lock myself in my own world. When did I let myself fall for you? How did you manage to slip past my defenses and slipped into my heart? Why do I feel sad of the imminent separation when I'd known that it would happen at the very start?

Goodbyes...

Air Supply - Goodbye by Augenblicke

Lately, I do feel like the current chapter in my life is coming to an end. There is so much separation which I need to deal with - a relative who passed away, a friend who is moving back to his hometown and a close friend leaving... Maybe the biggest joke of all is the possibility of me leaving... That'll be the time I've to say goodbye...