Human Nature

It has been a while since I last blogged. It's a wonderful experience to be able to move to a new place and experience the different cultures in a country. I'm thankful that most of the people I've met so far over here are friendly though I've a few unfortunate encounters. Sadly an event happened today prompted me to blog again. It's really given me a new perspective on the two sides of human nature - beauty and ugliness.

I was waiting for the bus when I saw a lady on a motorized vehicle for the elderly. I was curious as she looked young. The first thought that popped up was - maybe it's a hot day to walk so she decided to use that vehicle. As she got closer, I had a better look. Her right arm was obviously suffering from muscle atrophy. Probably her legs are suffering from it too so she needed to use the motorized vehicle. What touched me as a beautiful thing about the human nature is the love of her father. An elderly gentleman, he accompanied her all the way to the bus stop and only got off the bus once his daughter was on it. He even thanked the passengers for putting up with the delay caused by his daughter boarding the bus on her motorized vehicle. The lady's inner strength also shone through. Despite the inconvenience, she still took the trip on her own. One can see how she wants to be independent.

The ugliness of the human nature reared its head not long after the bus took off. A man who appeared to be drunk started to hurl insults at the lady and the teenagers started to laugh. The lady did look at them but said nothing. I feel I embody the other kind of ugly human nature as I just sat there and did not speak up in her defence as I did not want to stir up any trouble. I got off the bus once it reached the train station but the drunk man and the lady was still on it. I am not sure if the insults continued or if the bus driver did something to stop it.

Thinking back - should I have spoken up or should I have done what I did? There are just two sides to human nature - beauty and ugliness...

Selfish...

Sometimes the truth is indeed a bitter pill to swallow. My friends would call me a bastard but I knew they were just joking. Yet when it is hinted that I am one by a person whom I care about, I guess I really am a selfish bastard. My ex once told me that she couldn't be by my side anymore as I treated her as an object which I'd care when I'm in the mood. That was the first time I hated myself for my selfish attitude. The second time came when I was told by the person I merely treated her like a toy.

It hurts really bad cause it's true. As much as I want to deny it, it was no excuse for my selfish actions and my indecisiveness. I may not want to treat her like a toy but my selfish actions speak otherwise. Who knew meeting the right person at the wrong time can be just as painful. To want to claim the moral high ground and yet wanting to maintain a platonic relationship with her - what a conceited and selfish bastard I am. There is no turning back time and there is no cure for the wounds of the heart. I would wish to say sorry to her in person but it won't matter anymore as apologies from a person she no longer cares about won't make any difference...

What am I? I am S.E.L.F.I.S.H

Longing...

Sure feels quiet without you around... Wonder how you are doing now... :/

Answers...

I feel so hopeless... So tired lately... Sometimes I wish I just have the answers yet I myself don't even know... Sigh...

What? When? Why? How?

What is this feeling I'm feeling? I've only known you for about a month yet why do I feel this way towards you? I thought that such feelings have already been cast aside when I decide to lock myself in my own world. When did I let myself fall for you? How did you manage to slip past my defenses and slipped into my heart? Why do I feel sad of the imminent separation when I'd known that it would happen at the very start?

Goodbyes...

Air Supply - Goodbye by Augenblicke

Lately, I do feel like the current chapter in my life is coming to an end. There is so much separation which I need to deal with - a relative who passed away, a friend who is moving back to his hometown and a close friend leaving... Maybe the biggest joke of all is the possibility of me leaving... That'll be the time I've to say goodbye...

Loner

Loneliness is a strange feeling... At times, relationships can be so complex that loneliness just seems to be the best alternative. At worst, loneliness just makes the world around us more quiet. Saw a really meaningful quote from a forum - loners don't need love, they just need some warmth. When there is the opportunity for a relationship in front of you, how do you tell if it is warmth or if it is love that you need? Sometimes being lonely for too long just blurs the borders between the two... Maybe it's all the silence that surrounds us. Maybe sometimes it is best to just stick with the devil we know - loneliness...

A Song...

Sometimes the mixture of emotions is so unbearable... Can't find the words to describe my feelings but I guess this song will suffice...

Writing...

I realized it has been long since I last put much of my thoughts into words. I wonder if it's because I'm on my road to recovery or if I'm slowly becoming preoccupied with work. I guess I have always had an active imagination and what better way for me to let my creative juice flow than to put it all into words? :) However, looking at my posts, most of it are really dark and solemn ones. I remember posting a few happier posts. Haha... Happier ones really just a few... I did intend for this blog to be an open diary which I can use to see how much I've grown through the years. Maybe I have really intended for this blog to be a reflection of my dark and twisted side. It's the real me when I strip bare and put my feelings to words... Should I intend to write more or write less? If I were to write more, would it mean I'd be experiencing more sorrows in the days to come? I wonder...

Fallen Angel...

When did the angel begin falling? How much lower will the angel fall? And the descend never seems to stop...

A little something for Bunny...

After that touching post from Bunny... I do wonder... What would an evil bunny like? And I usually get my answers when I least expect it. Take a look at the picture... Bunny... I know you want it... I'll build you one once I've the capabilities to do so!!!

Zatch Bell

A great manga. Really hilarious at times and it can be a tear jerker at the same time. Best line from the manga - "I'd rather be a hippo than a lion." :) It made me realised how much of a foolish lion I had been...

Here's the link. Enjoy!!!

5 years from now...

Was chatting with a friend about how we would try to accomplish our dreams 5 years from now. Nothing fancy, just simple dreams. She continues to pursue her hobby of drawing which she has put down for quite some time while I get a full bike license and at least a 250cc bike. :) She told me probably she'd settle down in five years. I was a bit shocked that she'd say that but she mentioned our age and it dawned upon me that I'm no longer young... :/ Guess I really need to cherish whatever youth I have left... :)

Door to my heart...

An incident this afternoon made me realise that no matter how much time have passed, the people who once mattered to me still do. Maybe to them, I am but a stranger along their path but somehow they still manage to pull the strings of my heart. I suppose once I've invited someone into my heart, it is hard for me to let them go. People say time does make a person forget but how true is that saying? Maybe I am being selfish. Maybe I am being a coward. To better protect myself, I will just have to add more locks to the door leading to my heart...

8 meaningful quotes

Sorry that I am lazy to write much these days. Stumbled across 8 meaningful quotes and I just want to share it:

一、若愛，請深愛。放棄，請徹底。等待，本身就是一個錯誤......不要輕易放棄本不該放棄的，也不要固執的堅持不該堅持的。 二、看的開一點，傷的就會少一點.....一個人要是捨得讓你傷心，就根本不會在乎你是否流淚。所以趕緊收起你那卑微的淚水。洗洗臉、刷刷牙，該幹嘛就幹嘛去吧... 三、許多事情，總是在經歷以後才會懂得，如感情：錯過了，遺憾了，才知道其實生活並不需要這麽多無謂的執著...... 四、秋天，殘忍的季節，成熟不成熟的都要一同收割。一切都會在秋冬交替的剎那間隨風而逝，唯有那一泓鮮亮山溪般的記憶...永遠在我心中嘩嘩流動...... 五、珍惜手邊的幸福，不要等到失去以後才悔不當初，也許。你的一生也就只有那麽一個人會真正用心在你身上...... 六、人生就像一列車，車上總有形形色色的人穿梭往來。你也可能會在車上遇到很多有緣分的人，但當車停下來的時候，總會有人從人生這列車上上下下，當你下去的時候揮揮手，一轉身你能記住的只有回家的路...... 七、有的人你看了一輩子，卻忽視了一輩子。有的人你看了一眼，卻影響到你的一生。有的人熱情的為你而快樂，卻被你冷落。有的人讓你擁有短暫的開心，卻得到你思緒的連鎖。有的人一廂情願了N年，卻被你拒絕了N年...... 八、不要欠朋友太多東西，因為你可能永遠都沒有機會還他......經歷過的永遠不會從來擁有的只有回憶。朋友請珍惜身邊所擁有的一切吧！

Lessons I learnt from Beastly

1) Love is never ugly.
2) The ugliest outcast is always the prettiest girl in the whole movie.
3) Being rich is an excuse to be an ass because in the end, you can still redeem yourself somehow...
4) It is perfectly ok to kill someone and send your daughter to live with a stranger who looks like he's Freddy Krueger's long lost twin.
5) Love is real when girls fall for ugly looking guys but never the case for guys falling in love with ugly looking girls. (Ugly Betty doesn't count as she is falls in category no.2)

Watch the movie and experience all these lessons for yourself!!!

A note to my future lover...

And Valentine's Day has just passed. It was a day to celebrate love. Like how it has always been these 24 years, it was spent alone. I guess the day is really a mystery to me. Hence, I have decided to write this note - a note to my future lover...

To my dearest,

As I am writing this, I am wondering where you are, why does it take you so long to find me. Probably you are already trying your hardest but all this waiting is fast making me lose faith in love. Probably a lot of patience is needed to wait for someone as special as you. :)

I believe that being with you, everyday is a day for celebration. I wonder how you look like but I guess it doesn't matter much as you'll be the most gorgeous girl in my eyes since beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I know I cannot guarantee that you'll not shed a tear but I'd do my utmost to cheer you up and put a smile on your face everyday. I won't be there for you 24 7 but I promise to be always be there for you when you need me the most.

Yours sincerely,
Nick